From the Beginning

It may be unnerving to some, but since i was a child i'd had a love for pain. Maybe in truth, i'm more masochist than submissive. i'm not sure. i've had a subservient relationship with someone, someone who abused me horribly, and i think i was good. But, looking back, maybe i wasn't.

Anyways, since i was a small child, i love pain. Not necessarily intentionally inflicting pain on myself, but i wouldn't cry when i got. In part, it has to do with my father calling me his "little boy" and, you know, boys don't cry. Due to that, what else is left to do but relish in the pain? Feel the pain, be one with pain, make peace with the pain.

i know that liking pain, doesn't make one submissive. But i like to receive pain because i've done something bad. "You didn't have dinner ready for me when i got home? Oh you naughty girl." This excites me. The thought that i'm supposed to please someone else, and if i don't i get punished for it. Deep down, all i want is to be please someone. And i want very obvious forms of expression in which i do or don't please that person. i seek approval so much. This is why i think i'd make a good submissive. But as a newbie, what do i know?

Introduction

First things first, my real name is not Emily Gaston. It's a pen name i use for writing various blogs and sometimes i turn in published works under that name (not that it's very famous).

Secondly, i don't know what you thought "Not Your Mama's Vanilla" meant, but it definitely doesn't apply to cooking—in some instances it might (hmmm... mind drifting to pleasurable scenarios). If you thought this is a cooking blog, then please leave out that virtual door because it isn't and i would hate to cause any heart attacks.

So, what is this blog about? This blog is about my adventures, questions, ideas, hopes, dreams, etc.—and my Husband's—in starting/having a D/s relationship. We are newbies not only to the D/s world, but to sex in general.

A History Lesson:
We met each other in high school, never had anything boyfriends/girlfriends before we met. We started having sex until college and almost immediately we got pregnant. We have lived a very successful life from that point; always striving to be the best we can for our children. Hiccups in life do not bring us down. Now we have two beautiful children and a charming dog. Our life is complete.

We have been each other's first for everything since we were fifteen. It's a blessing and a tragedy all at the same time. We've been able to mold each other into the perfect sexual partner. Well, what we think is perfect anyways. We're eager learners always finding new ways to pleasure the other. i started out as an innocent, shy girl who found the whole idea of sex disturbing and disgusting, but as a means to keep her man on  tight leash (thank you Catholic school upbringing). Now, I can't get enough of it. As i started to feel more comfortable with my sexual self I learned that self had a much darker side. For the last four years i've tried to keep it a secret, hiding it from my Husband how much i enjoy it when He demands things from me, when He doesn't listen when i say no, when He denies me from cumming (either intentionally or not). Until very recently i proposed to Him the idea of starting a D/s relationship in the bedroom.

He was more than willing. So, this is our journey as we learn how to handle a D/s relationship. As He learns to become the natural Dominant that he is, and as i learn how to become the natural submissive that i am.

It's not going to be easy, but i hope exciting. i hope that at the end, i won't have to make any decisions in the bedroom and that He takes full reign, because for the last decade i've decided when we do things and having to micromanage several lives at the same time, being dominated would be a great release (even it ends up being something i did not expect).


If you notice, i've already picked up some D/s rules of capitalizing Him and not me. As i already respect and trust my Husband i feel i can do this.